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If ever there was an example of a title selling a project, then Lesbian Vampire Killers is clearly it. The project first turned up in the markets a couple years back with nothing more than the name and a single photograph and there was never — not even for a single moment — any doubt that the movie was going to get made. Some people start with a script.

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R icky Gervais famously said that our comedians shouldn't follow up TV success by doing some naff British film that's "all over the sides of buses for two weeks and you're meant to think it's huge". Sadly, this is the move now being made by James Corden and Mathew Horne, two talented comics whose new TV sketch show incidentally takes a bit of a pop at the great man for his perceived pro-Hollywood snobbery. Corden and Horne have made a silly, broad sex comedy about a couple of blokes who go hiking in the forest, and do battle with, erm, lesbian vampires: St Trinian's meets The Descent in the pages of Nuts magazine.

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Call me crazy but I really hate walking the red carpet at the Emmy's or even worse, the Academy Awards. I walked it once and swore I'd never do it again unless, of course, I'd been nominated for something. But what were the chances of that?

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Skip navigation! Photo: Courtesy of Summit Pictures. It feels like yesterday that we were all intoxicated by the vampire craze, rapidly flipping through blood-sucking novels, binge-watching True Blood and Vampire Diariesand swooning over Robert Pattinson as the kind-hearted, but cold-skinned Edward Cullen in Twilight.

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It follows a thin bloke and a fat bloke as they battle the walking departed. Lesbian Vampire Killers does, at least, implicitly acknowledge its debt to an older school of British horror. Nodding towards those Hammer films in which a fanged Ingrid Pitt was forever ramming her head between virgins startled bosoms, the film sends a recently jilted loser Mathew Horne and his portly chum James Corden to a remote English village that lies beside an absurdly vast forest.

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Lesbian vampirism is a trope in 20th-century exploitation film and literature that has its roots in Joseph Sheridan le Fanu 's novella Carmilla about the love of a female vampire the title character for a young woman the narrator :. Sometimes after an hour of apathy, my strange and beautiful companion would take my hand and hold it with a fond pressure, renewed again and again; blushing softly, gazing in my face with languid and burning eyes, and breathing so fast that her dress rose and fell with the tumultuous respiration. It was like the ardour of a lover; it embarrassed me; it was hateful and yet overpowering; and with gloating eyes she drew me to her, and her hot lips travelled along my cheek in kisses; and she would whisper, almost in sobs, 'You are mine, you shall be mine, and you and I are one for ever'.

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Oh dear. Loath as I am to kick a comedy duo when they're down, there's no plausible defence for this slapdash feature film by Mathew Horne and James Corden, any more than there is for their much-panned TV sketch show. A loveable pair of mates in Gavin and Stacey, here they have flagrantly overstretched their appeal, and now look in danger of becoming the Hale and Pace de nos jours. The laziness is evident from the start, as Jimmy Horne and Fletch Corden decide to go on a hike, fall in with a camper-van full of busty foreign students and spend a whole night fighting off a coven of, er, lesbian vampire killers.


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